Women Who Conceive and Loose Child

Women Who Conceive and Lose Child

(Miscarriage)

It's been now 13 years that I miscarried my own baby. I still remember the day. I was sound a sleep and it was about time my alarm should go off on the morning. I remember waking up from my sleep having the thought so clear as day come through my mind, " Mom I died. I love you! " I remember getting up and going into each of children and checking them making sure they were okay not thinking about my pregnancy. I got up and just felt something was wrong. Went to the bathroom and was spotting a little bit of blood spotting. My thought was i would call the doctor after I drop the kids off at school. It reminded me of years ago the way I felt when pregnant with my second oldest it was happening over again. But the voice rang in my head so clear as day this time.
I started to take my children to school. The pain inside my stomach it hurt so bad like I was ready to give birth to this child that's not suppose to be born yet. I stopped at my mom's and ran to the bathroom sitting on the toilet just rocking back and forth back in forth with tears coming down my face. In so much pain like  big block was just sitting on my stomach and I couldn't move. Wanting to tell out because the pain i was feeling was hard to endure.  When finally I just felt the pressure relieve and something pass. I was only 18 weeks along. There was the sack in the toilet grabbed it out called the doctor and went in. Giving that whole sack to them. My cervix was open and they did the ultrasound showing nothing was there. My emotions my thoughts i didn't know how to act. Went looking on line support groups yeah, looked to see if anybody has given any talks on miscarriage went looking in the scriptures. 
I was praying one day because my emotions were so great just asking God please lead me to something that can start to settle my soul. That is when I ran across this scripture: Exodus 21:22-23 If men strive, and hurt a women with child, so that her fruit depart from her, and yet no mischief follow. And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life. That scripture even though it talked about man hurting woman with child gave me an answer I was looking for that it was a life growing inside me. That little heartbeat wasn't beating no more and that my baby had died. Jeremiah speaks of how he was created in the womb and how God had numbered his days. Even from the time that conception came of Christ with Mary through the holy spirit was life formed in the womb.
 A few weeks later I was impressed to name my baby. So I did. Over the years it has played in my mind what could've happened. I even asked the doctor what caused it. He answered me you lost it because of a genetic defect. i learned the way I could celebrate that life I carried is different. I was told once just celebrate the life it lived while in the womb. The lessons that can be learned. The heartache is as women wear on our sleeves without others knowing what we are going through. It's been 13 years for this one I carried  and my answers of feeling like I was carrying twins and losing one 20 years ago have been answered are similar to the way I felt that day. Running into people who have told me stories that they have felt their little ones around. It's the emotional side that effects is women when we expect to go through carry that baby. It's hard to explain the feeling inside of emptiness. I remember the day I prayed and asked God to help make it easier to carry that heartache. I haven't forgotten but my heart has learned to carry the load with christ beside me when I need him to help carry my soul. I know their are other women out there that experience the same thing. Because of that scripture i have included it in my studies of women in the scriptures. We all deserve to know life is cherished no matter how small or insignificant some might feel a miscarriage might be God sees and loves us through it and loves that child we carried taken to soon before given a life outside the womb. It's one of the great tells of women that hardly get told of their stories they felt. It's apart of our life that we can embrace in the challenge of knowing  there are others out there as will. We can be a support and encouragement to others that have miscarried what others don't know if that dark secret we hold can maybe help someone else find God in their pain to regain a self doubt of worth.