Leah Feelings of Less than Loved

When you think of Leah's Story and love what comes to mind for you? Do you think of the feelings she had about self love by the names that she named her sons and handmaids son? Even the way she sought out attention from her husband. Declaring to her sister that she had stolen her from her. She never felt like she felt favor from her husband (ut through her line of her son Judah she had favor of god to bring about his son.

Leah's first son was named Rueben which Leah declared at that time "that god has seen her afflictions" (Genesis 29:32).  How many time in our life we see some sort of blessing from God whatever it may be depression, searching for love, feelings of inadequacy, maybe even like Leah feeling rejected by friends, family, self-rejection. Whatever the situation it happens to be the same side bar that Leah was walking in her life. what is that made you feel like god was seeing you through your afflictions? What blessing did you see that god blessed you with? Many times we grasp on false beliefs that we are nothing so we have this anxiety that runs through us because of the fact that their might have been those feelings of self-worth that the world sees. We become so hard on our self that we keep looking for love in the wrong places. turning to some sort of self addiction to hide our self in those wounds. yet then we stumble across someone that makes us feel as though we are being seen. How long does that feeling of belonging last? you fight to be seen in your relationship, live with the abuse  that you don't even realize is happening because you feel that you are being seen yet you fight for the rejection that you are getting. How can we then to begin to feel seen and become putty in God's hand that our wombs of love can be opened up like Leah to feel like God has seen us in our afflictions? 

We then see Leah in the naming of her next son Simeon. She declared that the Lord heareth that she was hated. has there been a time in your life that someone you loved so much made you feel as though you were hated?  Yet all you do is love them for who they are. you try to do everything in your power not to have them hate you so bad.  Is it really anything that we do? Can anything we do really ever change their mind about us or are those feelings coming from in our core? Have you ever prayed for them to find out what the cause of all that hatred comes from? I did this trying to avoid a fight with a person I loved in my own family. Next thing I is ask god why is he so angry? All of sudden they turned around and said why does everyone hate me so bad in the family? As they began to cry your heart begins to turn and focus in  a christ like way to love them. On this person's heart all they wanted to know and feel back was love. So in what ways can we turn a situation around to understand the person we feel hated by to know they are loved?

Leah' next son Levi she named him because she bore three sons now. She felt now her husband would be joined unto her. yet in the midst of all her trials of finding love and rivaling with her sister she still was missing the point that God loved her and was blessing her with all that he could give her. Jacob gave her her sons through god's will. Yet even after three sons he still loved Rachel more. bringing Leah down to more lows in her life. how can we climb out of the lows we feel in our life that no one cares for us or the hope of being joined by someone you love so much but feelings of being rejected. Causing more of a rift within your heart taking you away from feeling god's love for you? Is there something more in your life that can bring that peace and acceptance than a loving caring merciful god?

as we see Leah along the way of all the pity we see her giving that comes in our own life of wanting to be seen, god hearing us, feeling of being loved when we feel hated, and to be joined together with those we love. we now see Leah with naming her next Son Judah who she now gives praise to God for a season. She must have come to some sort of realization that the Lord loves her. That he is there and understands her every little need. She is starting to understand that God is worthy of praise for giving her the blessings that she has in her life through her children. Who knows maybe at this time that sincere praise to the Lord is bringing peace to those feelings of inadequacy in her life. Have yoou ever come to a point in your life that points to praising god for those blessings. realizing that he has played a role in your life up to that point? Do you still find your still struggling, but your learning now to give gratitude for those moments you know god gave you his grace his mercy. Many times we see the things god does and for that mere second in our race in life we give praise we let him know how grateful we are in playing that role in our life to bring us to our knees and give him those praise thanking him.

The next child she names is her handmaid Zilpah's son. She names him Gad and declares that a troop is coming. Why would she name him gad representing a troop to come against her warfare with her sister? Could this feeling of inadequcy now returned because her sister felt she had her own children through her own handmaid. Could this be that she was now personally declaring war on her sister saying test me we can keep doing this i will win Jacobs love look at the children i have now. Maybe she was saying to her sister my dowery in children is greater than yours don't test me I will rage war on you. Whatever the situation be we know she felt that the army was coming. It was going to be a troop on all those that stood in her way. We find that Leah gains strength now to fight again. How many of us start to feel better after our moments of weakness and say okay God I am ready to send in the troops and fight again for you? I have taken all that i have forgotten and I am ready to rage war on the enemy. 

Another son comes along from Leah'S handmaid this time she names him Asher calling herself blessed. Here i think we are seeing that she is finally feeling the blessings that god has to offer her. That she is seeing the many ways she has been blessed in her life. It's as the saying goes 

'count your blessings name them one by one. Can we name those blessing and give thanks to god for the things that he has given us? What do you see in your life at this moment that would make you feel blessed in the Lord?

I actually like what the next name stands for. Issachar born to Leah after she sold her son's mandrakes with his name meaning hired. Have we ever felt like you sold yourself short just for that one moment just to enjoy some sort of worldly pleasure. We might of taken a drink of alcohol even though we said we would never drink. What if it is falling off the bandwagon of an addiction that you have? So you hired yourself out in taking the steps back from making the clean break in a plan that you've worked hard at to get rid of. Whatever it is you feel as though you hired yourself out to that pain that hit you so hard to feel like you were loved just for that small moment in time. Did it ever make you feel that pain being taken away to just feel that little bit of love. through the scriptures it says that if we turn over all our pains to the lord we can gain that peace feel that love, but to is all up to us to choose to feel that love from god.

Her six son Zebulun Leah declares that now her husband will dwelleth with her. yet her feelings of unworth continue. Even after all the sons are born and given the names after the way she is feeling we see her continue to fight for love.

The last child that was born to her was Dinah which her name means judged and vindicated. Do you think she was now feeling that the Lord was judging her for the way she handles the situation with her sister and her husband that they shared together? do you ever feel as though you are harder on yourself than god could ever be on you?

Through Leah's story of naming her children and her handmaids children we get to see how she was feeling during the time of each birth. There might even be ways of seeing our self in the story of naming her children at certain times in our own life. how many times do we come into our day and think i want to be loved so bad that we truly forget and search for other things in our life to feel that love? What is the one thing that you feel that you can do today to bring god in to know that he sees your worth even if it doesn't feel like it is today but can occur later down the road? Many times we don't see what things that god has a plan to bring forth through us like he did with Leah in her lineage through Judah the son of God. Their is more of a purpose that god uses his will in our life. it is our choice how we take the situation and react to it that brings forth the praising or the complaining. God knows the plan and knows the paths we choose to take. he will bring about that which is good from that which we feel is the worst circumstances in our life. How can we move forward in faith to trust his will and the plan laid out in front of us/